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Nothing is more ingrained in our society than the notion that those who espouse ‘family values' are good, decent people, while the rise in childlessness and single-occupancy households is seen as reflecting a deplorable trend toward increased individualism and narcissism. For thousands of years we have been told to "be fruitful and multiply!" and accordingly, we multiply at an alarming rate. Those who do not have children are often made to feel barren and selfish. But are those who don't have children really living selfishly? Might they simply be making life choices in a way that realistically matches what they can potentially contribute to the world with what the world really needs?
There are lots of things you can do to improve the wellbeing of this planet. You can walk to the store instead of driving, or remember to bring that non-disposable bag. But the single greatest way in which you can contribute is: have fewer children. As of January 8, 2010, the Earth's population is estimated by the United States Census Bureau to be 6,795,000,000, and increasing steadily. Each child you bring into the world causes a staggering increase in your environmental footprint, which potentially increases exponentially with each generation. Some argue that we only need to curb reproduction rates in underdeveloped countries; in some developed countries, particularly those in Western Europe, the fertility rate is lower than replacement. Some even fear that this is creating an imbalance. But the reverse situation (higher fertility rates in developed than underdeveloped countries) would be disastrous, because those born in underdeveloped countries use on average many times less resources as those born in developed countries. If more of us make a conscious choice to not have children, or to have one child only, the prospects for our race and our planet will be immensely brighter. But in a culture where family values reign, how do we propagate ‘un-family-ar values'? How do we convince ourselves that it is not only alright not to have children but admirable?
Numerous studies conducted starting in the 1950s and up until the present have shown that having one or more child is associated with a decrease in marital satisfaction. There is also evidence that married women experience positive psychological consequences when their children leave the nest. These findings appear to contradict the common assumption that having children is an integral part of a happy life. What is at the origin of this belief? Having children, and thereby contributing to one's lineage as a biological organism, can make us feel that we are leaving a legacy, that we are part of something larger than ourselves. It thereby gives us a sense of meaning in life; in living we have made a difference, and that difference will perpetuate itself into the distant future. But having ideas and turning them into realities, and thereby contributing to not our biological lineage but our cultural lineage provides another way of being part of something larger than ourselves, and another avenue to a sense of meaning in life. Moreover, you don't have to be a creative genius to contribute to the unfolding of human culture. Just by smiling you may make someone else smile, who in turn smiles at someone else.... Each person can find a way of touching others that works for them, and thereby exert, in their own unique way, an impact on our ‘cultural lineage'. There are advantages to nurturing a ‘brain child' instead of a real child; an idea, after all, doesn't ‘talk back', and it can't suddenly die in a car accident. (For reasons I will discuss in another blog, there is no equivalent to death in the evolution of culture.)
In order to build a sustainable world, we need a sustainable worldview. A sustainable worldview is a web of perspectives, habits, attitudes, and creative approaches to problem solving that is consistent with the development and maintenance of a sustainable world. A key step in the transition to a sustainable worldview is to discard the unspoken but much-implied view that those who have children are better citizens than those who do not. It is neither realistic nor to our global advantage to unquestioningly equate parenthood with nurturing and self-sacrifice, and to equate childlessness with barrenness and selfishness. The desire to contribute something positive, to give oneself over to something larger than oneself and find meaning in life, is common to all humans. When the desire to nurture is not tied up ensuring the wellbeing of ones' own offspring, it is potentially freed up to go toward activities that advance the wellbeing of the planet.
