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Confidence
How to Identify Your Confidence Blocks
Here are some key questions to help you reflect on what may be holding you back.
Posted March 8, 2024 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- Even the most confident people are unsure or insecure some of the time.
- It’s important for people to distinguish between who builds them up and who criticizes and tears them down.
- Asking these questions can help clarify what does and doesn't boost confidence.
Confidence is a complex topic with a lot of different elements to unpack. What we know to be true is that everyone suffers from a lack of confidence from time to time, even the most well-established, poised, articulate, and seemingly self-assured people in the world. And that’s because confidence isn’t static; it’s dynamic. You might be completely confident in many different areas of your life, but there’s one particular scenario that sends you into a spiral of self-doubt. Or you might feel confident about a situation one day, only to find that the next day, you’re not so sure of yourself.
Confidence is also relational, meaning that your level of confidence can shift significantly depending on who is in the room or participating in the conversation. This happens in both positive and negative ways. I’m sure you can bring to mind the people in your life you trust wholeheartedly, who know you, want the best for you, and love playing the role of cheerleader in your life. If you recall the times that you spend with these people, it’s likely you feel completely confident when you’re around them.
And then there’s the other end of the spectrum—the people who are critical of you, who you feel judged by, or who, for some reason, you feel a bit nervous around. It could simply be people that you don’t know or who are quite different from you. It’s really interesting to start taking a deep look at the way that your confidence shifts in relation to the people you’re with.
Many of the women in our Women Rising program have powerful insights when they do this self-reflection on their confidence triggers in Module 2 of the program. We often hear comments like…
“I feel mostly confident at work, but I notice I’m triggered when I’m in a meeting or a room with people who are more knowledgeable than me”
“I’m fine until I start talking to senior executives and then I feel like I’m rambling and not getting my point across”.
If you can relate, you’re not alone. These stories simply illustrate how confidence levels can shift from day to day and moment to moment.
The other interesting thing about confidence is that often, the external perception of our confidence doesn’t match our inner feelings. We also hear comments from women who say…
“My colleagues and friends would describe me as confident and tell me they wish they had my confidence, but I don’t always feel it or know what they’re talking about. The truth is, I often doubt myself.”
As you can see, confidence can be tricky. However, the more you develop your self-awareness in this area, the faster you’ll be able to find the tools and strategies that work for you and that allow you to put your best foot forward on any given day.
Here are some key questions to reflect on to help you identify your confidence blocks.
1. When are the times that you feel less than confident? What is happening during these times, and how do you feel?
2. Are there particular triggers that impact your confidence? This could be people, places, your environment, specific scenarios, lack of preparation, etc.
3. What are the stories that you tell yourself when you’re feeling less than confident? What common phrases does your inner critic use?
4. How do your stories undermine you or stop you from taking action?
Once you’re clear on the things that impact your confidence in a negative way, it’s worth taking some time to reflect on the things that boost your confidence.
1. When are the times that you feel confident? What do you notice that is different, or what is happening during these times?
2. Is there anything you’ve noticed that boosts your confidence? This could be people, places, your environment, music, clothing, specific scenarios, etc.
3. Who in your support system sees you as the best version of yourself? How can you utilize these people as a resource when you need a confidence boost?
4. Do you know what your strengths are? Do you get a chance to use them every day?
