Verified by 
I am a full professor with tenure at the University of Texas at Austin, one of the most prestigious public universities in the United States and easily one of the top 100 higher-education institutions in the world. I have had several large grant awards and have published my share of journal articles, book chapters, and books. I'm currently mentoring several graduate students and postdocs, and I'm often contacted by students, faculty members, and other people from around the world, asking me to consult, write with them, or just answer questions about the fields of study I work in.
I might sound like I'm bragging, but trust me, I'm not. I'm reminding myself of how far I've come.
I was born in the summer of 1971. By the time I was three years old, my parents had divorced, and I was living with my mother on Long Island, outside New York City. Although I was always closer to my father than my mother, the family courts would not allow me to live with him. My mother was a very troubled, angry, and mentally ill person. As the only child, I faced the full force of her bouts of hostility, threats, and borderline personality episodes.
In 1981, when I was 10 years old, my mother moved me to Florida while my father remained in New York. I saw him a few times per year. Still, my everyday life was essentially psychological warfare as my mother went through repeated angry, hostile episodes and never seemed to be able to calm herself down. The devastating things she said to me so many years ago still reverberate in my mind today–very often when I least want them to.
In 1988, when I was 16 years old, I started to run away from home. I slept under bridges, on sidewalks, and friends' couches. I must have run away 15 times before I finally left my mother's house for good and ventured out on my own just before my 17th birthday. Despite my poor grades, I somehow managed to finish high school and get myself into Florida State University, where I met a mentor who saw promise in me and started to mold me into a successful academic scholar. I was raw, but I was very willing to learn. My study habits had improved, but not enough to get myself into a clinical Ph.D. program (which had been my goal).
I was rejected by all the Ph.D. programs I applied to in the spring of 1993, and I had to regroup and get myself into a master's program in family and child sciences. That degree wound up being a blessing, as I was introduced to family research (which I fell in love with immediately). I then moved to Florida International University for my Ph.D. in developmental psychology and I met my future wife, Lisa, while I was pursuing that degree. She and I have been together for more than 25 years, and she is quite literally the best thing that has ever happened to me.
My good fortune with mentoring continued during my post-doctoral fellowship and my first faculty position at the University of Miami. José Szapocznik, one of the leaders in the fields of acculturation, Hispanic psychology, adolescent development, and culturally rooted family therapy, served as my faculty mentor, and I was lucky enough to work closely with him for nearly 20 years. He taught me how to write academic papers and secure grant funding. As I had done for my whole adult life, I soaked up all of what he was teaching me. I sought to merge the business-related principles I had learned from my father (a costume jeweler) with the academic wisdom I acquired from José.
The result was a rapid ascent through the ranks of academia. I secured my first major research grant at age 37 and was awarded tenure before my 40th birthday. Living in Miami for 25 years was an absolute blessing, as I found myself fascinated by immigration and how so many immigrants adapt and thrive despite immense challenges. In many ways, the challenges of immigration reminded me of the challenges I had faced as a child.
Especially now that I am at the "top of the mountain" academically, so many people tell me how much they admire and respect me and what I have accomplished. I always appreciate the kind words, but I have to continually remind myself where I came from and how, not so long ago, I was hearing quite different messages about myself daily inside my childhood home. Because of all the painful words directed at me when I was younger, I have learned never to take anyone or anything for granted. Having people in my life who value and compliment me still feels like a new experience, even though I left home 35 years ago.
I've also learned that comparing oneself to other people is an absolutely useless exercise. No two people come from the same place, so comparing where they are now is unfair. If I am not achieving as much as someone else, does that matter? Getting out of my mother's house, finishing high school, and getting into college was an achievement for me. Getting my Ph.D. and becoming an internationally known scholar is far beyond anything I ever could have imagined for myself, so even if others have accomplished more than I have, I'm still immensely proud to have come as far as I have.
Another key takeaway from my story is that coming from a difficult, dysfunctional, or abusive home does not doom us to failure. As long as we focus on what we want for ourselves and vow to achieve it no matter what happens, coming from a difficult home may not stop us. Seek out the kinds of mentors who are where you want to be, and always be willing to listen and learn. If anything, my mother's harsh words helped me because they did not allow me to become full of myself and resistant to feedback from others.
Finally, be grateful for anyone and everyone who comes into your life. Even people who hurt you may set you up for success later in life. I would not be the resilient, persistent, and persevering person I am today if not for my insistence on always being better than the person my mother said I was. I've blazed my own trail because people like me don't usually get to where I am in life, but I have also beckoned and encouraged others to follow my trail. If I had not lived with my mother for all those years, I would not be who I am today. Strangely, she was one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.
So be proud of who you are, what you have achieved, and the trail you have blazed, and never forget where you started and what it took to get here. Go easy on yourself. And please be brave enough to tell your story, just as I am doing here. Countless people really need to hear it.
