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Key points
- The "Sunday scaries" is a real phenomenon that can be caused by workplace stress.
- Emotions are created mostly from our memories, predictions, and energy level.
- Viewing emotions as helpful messengers offers many benefits.
In a therapy session, a 45-year-old marketing manager I’ll call Jackconfessed: "I love the weekend, but right about dinner time on Sunday night, I start getting nervous. I feel this dread about going to work on Monday. I can’t shake the feeling, and it ruins my evening. Sometimes, I can’t sleep worrying about what will be in my inbox when I get to work."
If you’re feeling the “Sunday scaries,” you’re not alone. Studies show that higher workplace stress is associated with lower productivity (Bui, T. et al. 2021). Anxiety at work can cloud our concentration, stir irritability, and muddle our response to stress.
I call that mixture of irritability, stress, and anxiety, frazzlebrain. In that state, our judgment can feel clouded, and we might feel worried and fatigued (Schneider, G. 2022).
The American Psychological Association found that 76 percent of those surveyed felt that workplace stress negatively impacted their mental health (APA, 2023). Workforce shortages and layoffs place a greater burden on those workers who remain.
Many of my clients take on more work after employers downsize. The increasing demands during a climate of constriction fuels feelings of insecurity and uncertainty.
The brain is constantly predicting what will happen next so we can conserve energy for our needs. When we feel tired on Sunday, our body's battery is low. The brain circuitry dedicated to monitoring our body battery tells us we’re tired at the same time the predicting part of the brain says, “Tomorrow is going to demand a lot of energy.”
The conflict between our low Sunday body battery and the need for high energy on Monday creates anxiety. We need rest but feel the demands of the next day weighing on us at the same time. That conflict fuels anxiety (Barrett, L. 2017).
We may think that anxiety just spontaneously appears out of our control. However, neuroscientists discovered that we create our emotions. Only about 10 percent of what we experience is directly related to our sensory experiences.
The other 90 percent comes from our memory, predictions we make, and the stories we tell ourselves about our feelings. If we create our emotions, we can change them (Barrett, L. 2017).
It helps to think of emotions as signals, sending us a helpful message. For example, I walked on the beach this weekend and stepped on something sharp that caused pain. The pain acted as a signal that said, “Stop walking. Something is digging into the bottom of your foot.” I checked it out, pulled out a sharp twig, rubbed my foot, and continued walking. The signal of physical pain helps prevent more severe injury. Emotional pain works the same way.
I asked Jack, “What is the helpful message your anxiety signals on Sundays?”
Jack thought for a moment. “I don’t know if it’s helpful at all. I feel bad, and then I can’t sleep,” he said.
“If your anxiety is there for a helpful purpose, how do you think it might be helping you?” I asked.
“I guess it helps me notice how hard my job has become. I talked to my wife about it. She gives me support. The anxiety tells me I must do something different because this feeling is terrible. That scares me because I can’t handle trying to get a new job right now,” Jack said.
“So, your anxiety helps you by encouraging you to talk to your wife and get support. It prompts you to change something in your work so you don’t feel overwhelmed. It is also telling you not to look for another job right now. Is that right?” I asked.
“Yes, that’s it. I guess it is helping me address the things I’ve been ignoring at work. My wife is very supportive and wants me to be happy. I can see how my anxiety helps me.” Jack replied.
Jack began to relax as he thought of his anxiety as helpful. Like I did when I pulled the splinter out of my foot, Jack devised several strategies to help him better manage his workload stress. He vowed to take more breaks, talk with his manager about the increased demands, and set better boundaries on his time.
Modern neuroscience offers helpful tools for those wishing to shake off the "Sunday scaries" and better cope with increasing demands. Here are three ways to shake off the anxiety and feel happier:
1. Ask yourself what helpful signal is your stress/anxiety sending. Is it trying to tell you that you feel tired and need rest? Is it demanding that you take time for yourself and stop neglecting your needs? Our anxiety decreases when we view our stress and anxiety as helpful and enhancing. We feel better and perform better (Crum et al, 2013).
2. Engage in present-moment awareness. Gently avoid predicting the future (Monday workload) and return to the now. Start with a body scan. Sit or rest in a comfortable position. Inhale deeply through your nose, exhaling through your mouth several times until your breathing slows.
Return your attention to your breathing as other thoughts drift in and out. Then, draw your attention to each body part, from your feet to your head. Notice any sensations and offer comfort to any place that feels uncomfortable. Take 10-20 minutes for this body-scan exercise.
3. Reframe your judgments. When we feel distressed, judging language kicks in. “This is terrible. Am I going crazy? Why can’t I control my emotions? What’s wrong with me? I must be weak.”
Negative judgments about our painful emotions place us in the position of fighting the emotions. We fuel internal conflict and anxiety when we struggle and resist the feelings.
Instead, aim toward gratitude for the difficult emotion. Gratitude helps us better process painful memories and feel happier (Watkins, P. et al., 2008). Use the language of appreciation for your difficult emotions: “Thank you for alerting me that I’ve been working too hard. I’m grateful that I can feel what I need to feel to better address the cause of my suffering.”
Einstein said, “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." When you open and accept emotions as helpful messengers, untold opportunities await.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Barrett, L.F. How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, New York, 2017.
Schneider, G. Frazzlebrain: Break Free from Anxiety, Anger, and Stress Using Advanced Discoveries in Neuropsychology, Central Recovery Press, Las Vegas, NV. 2022.
