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Key points
- Most behavior is enacted by the "autopilot brain," dominated by habits and implicit judgments.
- Behavior enacted by the autopilot brain often conflicts with conscious intentions.
- We can recondition the autopilot brain through practice.
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. —Kahlil Gibran
The autopilot brain makes preconscious, automatic judgments and behavior choices, predicting the future, based primarily on past perceptions and experience. Most behavior is directed by implicit assumptions and judgments and by conditioned responses and habits.
Most behavior choices are not consciously decided, even when acted out consciously. For example, I’ve already chosen to say good morning to my wife and how I’ll say it, how I’ll feel about it, and what my tone of voice will be before I consciously decide to do it. Because self-evaluation is in the reflective brain, I’ll be bewildered, if not offended, if she accuses me of a surly tone of voice.
The Reflective Brain
The reflective brain controls conscious thinking, appraisals, assessments, judgments, and insight, mediated by values and social context. It’s more powerful but much slower than the autopilot brain and more vulnerable to exhaustion, low physical resources, alcohol, and drugs.
Contrasts
The Autopilot Brain: Denies (to evade responsibility).
The Reflective Brain: Accepts responsibility and tries to repair or compensate.
Autopilot: Blames.
Reflective: Improves.
Autopilot: Avoids the problem.
Reflective: Tries to solve it.
Autopilot: Takes others for granted.
Reflective: Appreciates.
Autopilot: Disconnects.
Reflective: Connects.
Autopilot: Is self-obsessed
Reflective: Perceives other people’s perspectives.
Autopilot: Is resentful.
Reflective: Is compassionate.
Autopilot: Is appalled by other people’s unfair treatment.
Reflective: Recognizes when it’s unfair to others.
Autopilot: Reacts to the past in the present.
Reflective: Is guided more by present and future considerations.
The reflective brain can override the assumptions, judgments, and biases of the autopilot brain, as highlighted above. But it’s prone to confirm them or look for evidence to justify them, disregarding all but the most glaring contrary facts.
Efforts at lasting change are better aimed at the autopilot brain.
The Path to Reconditioning the Autopilot Brain
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding of ourselves." —Carl Jung
We all have qualities, behaviors, habits, or tendencies we don’t like. We try not to think of them and are often unaware of them. The surest way to discover and improve them is to infer them from what irritates us about others.
If you’re intolerant of selfish people, appreciate other people’s perspectives.
If offended by close-minded people, be more open-minded.
If irritated by resentful people, be more compassionate.
If bothered by pessimistic people, be more optimistic.
If impatient with judgmental people, be less judgmental.
If complainers seem insufferable, be more solution-oriented.
If testy around stubborn people, be more cooperative.
If you can’t stand to be interrupted, listen better.
If egotists, braggarts, or self-promoters get under your skin, be humbler.
If you can’t take rigid people, be more flexible.
If intolerant of jealous or envious people, be more appreciative and trusting.
If agitated by disrespectful people, be more respectful.
If stingy people trigger you, be more generous.
If intolerant of mean people, be kinder.
If you abhor abusive people, be more compassionate, especially to loved ones.
To recondition the autopilot brain, practice the opposite behavior each time you’re irritated by someone else.
Other posts will deal with changing habits and attitudes.
