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Key points
- It's natural to be nervous before a first date. After all, there's no guarantee as to what will happen.
- When you are too nervous, you may not be yourself and therefore can't truly assess whether a match exists.
- Avoid any substances that may make you more nervous, breathe, and do something that makes you feel at peace.
- Be frank and honest with your date about your nervousness, and keep the first date in proper perspective.
It's natural to be nervous before a first date. After all, unless you've got a time machine hidden away somewhere, there's no guarantee as to what will happen during and after a first date. You just don't know the person and how he or she will react to things such as your amazing knock-knock jokes. This who-knows-what's-going-to-happen is why you are having the first date in the first place: to get to know each other and see if you are some kind of a match.
The trouble is when you are too nervous, you may not be yourself and therefore can't truly assess whether a match indeed exists. It's easy to overthink things when nervous and trying to answer tough questions such as "What are your hopes and dreams?", "Where do you see yourself in five years?", and "Can you pass the bread?" Answers like "What do you mean by bread, is that a euphemism for something?" may not reflect who you truly are. Therefore, for all parties concerned, it's better for you to calm the bleep down. That may be easier said than done, though. To make it easier for you, here are 10 things to do before that first date:
1. Avoid any substances that may make you more nervous.
This is not the time to see what happens after eating 14 doughnuts. Sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and other things that can mess around with your nervous system can make you even more nervous. Instead, try to stick to things that may have more calming effects. It is better to remain au naturel for a date. (That's from a food and beverage intake standpoint and not a clothing one.)
2. Breathe
Breathing and taking in oxygen are, in general, good things. Being more conscious of your breathing patterns and trying to take in deeper, longer breaths can help you relax.
3. Think of or do something that makes you feel at peace.
Go to your zen. Maybe this is going for a walk, bouncing a basketball, wearing a particular outfit, making a fruitcake, or feeding the squirrels. Anastasiya Pochotna, a product marketing manager and dating expert for the dating app Flirtini, recommends using the "10-second rule. Take a brief moment to focus on something entirely unrelated to your dating life. You could recite a poem, count backward from 100, or visualize yourself on a sunny beach."
4. Talk with your friends.
This can do four things. One, they can make you feel better about yourself, assuming that they are really your friends. Two, they may give you valuable advice, such as maybe not wearing the T-shirt that says "I'm horny" to the first date. Three, talking to them can get you warmed up before talking to your date. Finally, your friends can help you keep the first date in its proper perspective, as will be detailed shortly.
5. Practice some self-love.
Have compassion for yourself. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to perform. Anna Hint, a marketing lead and relationship expert for the dating app Pure, suggested another type of self-love: “According to Pure’s research, 71% of singles masturbate before a date… especially first dates. More than a third say it helps reduce the pre-date nerves." Just make sure that you have the appropriate answer ready when your date asks you what you did before the date.
6. Keep the date simple and be appropriately prepared.
It's a first date and not the Super Bowl halftime show. Don't make it so complicated that you begin unraveling worrying about plans unraveling. Of course, make sure that you attend to the basics such as knowing where the date actually is and making it there on time. Arriving at the date drenched in sweat is not a good look.
7. Realize that everyone gets nervous.
Anyone who tells you that they never get nervous before a first date is either lying or potentially a sociopath.
8. Be frank and honest with your date about your nervousness.
Telling your date that you are nervous could quickly disarm the whole situation. Being openly vulnerable could even build intimacy between the two of you. You could even start the date with this revelation.
9. Remember the purpose of the date.
The aim of the date is not for you to impress the other person. Or the other person to impress you. It is to determine whether there's a potential fit between the two of you. The best way to do that is for you to just be yourself.
10. Keep the date in perspective.
When it comes to the first date, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't rest all of your hopes and dreams on that one date. Don't fret in case it doesn't go as you'd like. It may not be the only and last opportunity for the two of you to interact. Do things to minimize the reliance on just that date. Communicate beforehand to ease into the date. If you recognize the potential is there for more, follow up after the date, openly and appropriately, of course. You can always say things like, "I'm sorry to have accidentally dumped the salad on your head." If there is a true match, the other person will understand. If not, you can always move on and be nervous for your next first date with someone else.
