Build and Maintain Healthy Workplace Relationships

Even though remote working arrangements have expanded, there is still a need for a sense of belonging in the workplace and a feeling of connection and community. The quality of our workplace relationships has the power to keep us committed to a job (Caillier, 2017) or disengage. Nurturing these relationships can lead to higher productivity, a stronger sense of loyalty to your organization, and a feeling of camaraderie. Caring for colleagues is a wise investment.

Self-Awareness, Self-Knowledge, and Authenticity

Before we can genuinely care about others, we need to care enough about ourselves to be willing to see ourselves clearly. Three key elements are foundational to healthy relationships at work or anywhere else. These are self-awareness, knowing yourself, and being vulnerable enough to bring your authentic and imperfect self to your relationships.

The Only Truly Meaningful Gift You Bring to Relationships Is Yourself

The more we know ourselves, the better we show up in relationships and the greater the transformative power that a relationship can offer.

To be fully present in a relationship, you must know yourself well. This means being aware of your strengths, vulnerabilities, and growth edges. It also includes your fears about others, biases, and willingness to admit how these may get in the way of your relationships with others.

While it’s human to have some resistance or negative assumptions about others who are different, it is not OK to let them get in the way of your work relationships.

Our strengths are usually pretty visible to others. For instance, you may be described as reliable, self-confident, approachable, or open-minded. It’s our areas that are ripe for growth that we may try to downplay or keep hidden. However, these qualities may affect our ability to develop authentic relationships in the workplace.

Healthy Relationships Require Caring For and Caring About Another

Martin Buber (1923) conceived of the “I-thou” relationship as the bringing of our whole self to a meeting with another and acknowledging and engaging with the whole self of the other. It’s about meeting mindfully, genuinely, with regard and hospitality. Thou refers to the presence of uniqueness and wholeness in a person that is the outcome of genuine listening and responding. The I –Thou relationship is a two-sided affair: both individuals enter into the conversation fully. The relationship is reciprocal, yielding, and momentary and will lead to clarity yet lacks permanency. I –Thou establishes a world of relation and is always in the present, that which is happening (an event). As opposed to the “I-it” relationship in the “I-it” relationships, you think of someone as less than yourself or more as an object or tool to help you achieve an end.

When we connect with colleagues within a caring workplace, our sense of self and self-esteem are strengthened, and a community of care is created. We feel heard, and we feel safe. In this environment, we create shared meaning with colleagues. We create a place of belonging for one another. We can listen to and share differing views, but not in the goal of changing another, but in the spirit of learning about the other and perhaps growing ourselves.

Dissonance will occur, whether in perspectives, beliefs, or values. But we endeavor to move into a new space, even when we feel the urge to push back or depart. Caring for another keeps us from bolting. We stick it out. Relationships are not always peaceable, but care keeps us moving toward a new way of understanding, connecting, or evolving. By recognizing our own humanity and bringing humility, we can work towards reconciliation. When we hold grudges or carry resentment, we are harming ourselves, our workplace community, and our own potential for growth.

Ideally, we grow and transcend the current state of affairs to a space of new ways of being and engaging. Change/evolution/beginnings can be messy, but within a workplace that supports bringing the whole self to the workplace and caring for one another, relationships can deepen, and risks can be taken.

How to Best Navigate Difficult Workplace Relationships

1. Take a breath and a moment to be present with yourself. Remember, you can’t force others to change. The only person you can change is yourself. Changing your responses, attitudes, or expectations can improve your relationships.

When workplace colleagues cause you distress or suffering, Be present with your own inner self. Acknowledge the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences going on inside your head and in your body. Don’t latch on to any of these responses. Just acknowledge them and let them go like clouds in the sky. Be focused on the moment and stay grounded. When you are focused on being present and in the moment, you aren’t letting exchanges, frustrations from the past, or worries about future engagement color your thinking—and that’s the gift of the present.

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2. Actively engage in non-judgment. Don’t judge others, and don’t judge yourself, either. Focus on the facts of a situation and pay attention to what is “true,” not just what you imagine to be true. Then, challenge yourself to see “what else might be true” that I haven’t considered. Confront the uncertainties of a situation and dig deeper.

3. Get a handle on your own perspective. It is important, too, that you observe and acknowledge how your own perspective is shaping an interaction. Sometimes, our own perspectives are skewed by past experiences, biases, or missing information. To fully understand your own perspective, bring curiosity and empathy to difficult exchanges. Exercise empathy and look at the world through the other person’s eyes. Because all behavior has a purpose, challenge yourself to understand what the other person is trying to accomplish with their actions.

4. Look for what you have in common with others. We have a lot more in common with other people than we sometimes recognize. When you’re trying to make headway in a difficult situation with a colleague, write down a list of the goals, values, attitudes, and traits you share with them. By recognizing our similarities, we create a sense of unity and this supports the building of relationships. Even sharing negative traits can be a means of bonding. Shared struggles in the workplace can make for cohesive collegial relationships.

5. Keep your focus on your "workplace North Star." Don't lose sight of why you are where you are. Why did you choose the company you work for, and why did your company choose you? When you keep your focus on the bigger picture, little annoyances can be put into perspective. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on the "big stuff" that you and your colleagues are there to accomplish.