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Zero to Six

Decoding the meaning of your child's behavior

Parenting
The Trouble With Transitions

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on April 2, 2024

Transitions can be taxing and feel overwhelming, resulting in kids' resistance to moving on, even to activities they typically love. Here are ways to help them through. ⁠

Transitions can be taxing and feel overwhelming, resulting in kids' resistance to moving on, even to activities they typically love. Here are ways to help them through. ⁠

Parenting
"I Don't Want to Talk About It"

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on March 14, 2024

Helping children understand how their thoughts and feelings affect their behavior is critical for long-term emotional health.

Helping children understand how their thoughts and feelings affect their behavior is critical for long-term emotional health.

Parenting
Demand Avoidance: Why Kids Refuse to Follow Directions

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on January 9, 2024

“Demand avoidance” is a knee-jerk, defiant reaction to any direction to cooperate with a task or to make a transition, and thus can be very challenging for parents to manage.

“Demand avoidance” is a knee-jerk, defiant reaction to any direction to cooperate with a task or to make a transition, and thus can be very challenging for parents to manage.

Child Development
How to Deal With a Child's Dictatorial Demands

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on December 5, 2023

Highly sensitive children tend to demand immediate need fulfillment due to their low tolerance for discomfort. What they need is validation coupled with limits to learn to wait.

Highly sensitive children tend to demand immediate need fulfillment due to their low tolerance for discomfort. What they need is validation coupled with limits to learn to wait.

Parenting
You Are an Emotional Support Parent, Not a Helicopter Parent

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on September 12, 2023

Helping big reactors cope with a world that can feel overwhelming requires more scaffolding and support than other kids need. Big reactors' parents are not "helicoptering."

Helping big reactors cope with a world that can feel overwhelming requires more scaffolding and support than other kids need. Big reactors' parents are not "helicoptering."

Parenting
Your Child Can Be Strategic, Not Manipulative

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on August 8, 2023

When parents see their children as strategic vs. manipulative, they are able to respond with the clear and loving limits kids need to learn to manage not getting what they want.

When parents see their children as strategic vs. manipulative, they are able to respond with the clear and loving limits kids need to learn to manage not getting what they want.

Parenting
The Truth About "Gentle" Parenting With a Big Reactor

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on February 7, 2023

"Gentle" parenting is not some prescribed, one-size-fits-all approach. Connection and co-regulation look very different depending on your child's temperament.

"Gentle" parenting is not some prescribed, one-size-fits-all approach. Connection and co-regulation look very different depending on your child's temperament.

Forgiveness
Why Your Children Blame You When Something Goes Wrong

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on January 24, 2023

The key is to not get defensive but to tune in to the underlying issue your child is struggling with and give them tools to manage difficult feelings and experiences.

The key is to not get defensive but to tune in to the underlying issue your child is struggling with and give them tools to manage difficult feelings and experiences.

Internet Addiction
Stop Trying to Make Your Kids Cooperate

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on October 24, 2022

One of the biggest pitfalls for parents trying to get their kids to cooperate is telling them what they have to do, as counterintuitive as that seems.

One of the biggest pitfalls for parents trying to get their kids to cooperate is telling them what they have to do, as counterintuitive as that seems.

Forgiveness
When Not to Apologize to Your Child

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on October 2, 2022

Apologizing when you have done nothing wrong leads children to blame others for their distress instead of building flexibility and resilience.

Apologizing when you have done nothing wrong leads children to blame others for their distress instead of building flexibility and resilience.

Punishment
Why Punishment Doesn't Stop A Child From Biting

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on September 22, 2022

Punishment assumes the child has control and can choose to stop biting others, which is rarely the case. And punishment is shaming which increases dysregulation and "downstairs" brain behaviors.

Punishment assumes the child has control and can choose to stop biting others, which is rarely the case. And punishment is shaming which increases dysregulation and "downstairs" brain behaviors.

Anger
When Setting Limits Gets Physical

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on August 4, 2022

There is a way to stay calm and connected while also maintaining clear limits and boundaries to keep children safe and help them learn to adapt to life's limits and expectations.

There is a way to stay calm and connected while also maintaining clear limits and boundaries to keep children safe and help them learn to adapt to life's limits and expectations.

Stress
When Not to Give a Child Choices

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on June 23, 2022

When children are in meltdown mode, they need more boundaries, not more choices. Their brains are flooded with stress. They can't process any new information and spiral further.

When children are in meltdown mode, they need more boundaries, not more choices. Their brains are flooded with stress. They can't process any new information and spiral further.

Empathy
Stop Working So Hard to Calm Your Kids

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on June 1, 2022

When your child is in distress, trying all sorts of calming tools and repeating empathetic statements only leads to further escalation. Less is often more.

When your child is in distress, trying all sorts of calming tools and repeating empathetic statements only leads to further escalation. Less is often more.

Self-Talk
Why Kids Engage in Negative Self-Talk And What You Can Do

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on April 11, 2022

Children rarely mean exactly what they say in these moments. They are in a highly-charged state, flooded with big emotions that are difficult to experience and process.

Children rarely mean exactly what they say in these moments. They are in a highly-charged state, flooded with big emotions that are difficult to experience and process.

Anxiety
5 Ways to Help a Hesitant Child Try New Things

Claire Lerner LCSW-C on March 21, 2022

Cheerleading to get children to get over a fear often backfires because they pick up on your disappointment in their behavior which increases stress and thwarts growth.

Cheerleading to get children to get over a fear often backfires because they pick up on your disappointment in their behavior which increases stress and thwarts growth.