The Top 8 Reasons Why Partners Cheat

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Infidelity is common. Research consistently finds that approximately 20 to 25 percent of married persons in the United States have committed infidelity before, and the numbers are even larger when you look at dating relationships. So, why are so many people cheating?

Surprisingly little research has explored the motivations behind infidelity. Instead, most cheating research has focused on things like prevalence and how it impacts relationships. However, a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research offers some valuable insight.

In this study, 495 adults (average age of 20) were recruited online and through a university to complete a 77-item questionnaire about their motivations for engaging in infidelity. The items were drawn from past research on cheating, as well as research on people's motivations for having sex more broadly.

Based on people’s responses to the items on this questionnaire, researchers extracted eight broader themes that characterize motivations for infidelity. Let's take a look at each in turn, including who is most likely to cheat for that reason.

1. Anger

This included cheating out of a desire to get back at a partner who had cheated or was suspected of having done so. It also included the desire to get back at a partner who had done something else upsetting (something other than an actual or suspected act of infidelity).

Cheating out of anger was more common among those high in attachment anxiety (greater fear of abandonment), as well as those high in attachment avoidance (greater fear of intimacy).

2. Sexual Desire

This included a desire to try certain sex acts that one's partner wasn’t interested in, a desire for more frequent sex, as well as confusion about one’s sexual orientation.

The people most likely to cheat for sexual reasons include men, as well as people with higher levels of attachment anxiety and those with fewer relationship growth beliefs (i.e., persons with less confidence in their ability to overcome conflict).

3. Lack of Love

This included uncertainty about being with the “right” person, falling out of love with a partner, and growing bored with the relationship.

Lack of love motives was linked to being high in attachment avoidance, having more relationship destiny beliefs (i.e., believing that relationships are either meant to be or they aren’t), and having fewer romantic beliefs (such as the idea that “true love lasts forever”).

4. Neglect

This included not spending enough time with one’s partner, frequent conflict or trouble in the relationship, as well as feeling that one’s partner had been neglectful.

Neglect motives were more common among those with lower levels of agreeableness (i.e., less care and concern for others), more attachment anxiety, and more relationship destiny beliefs.

5. Lack of Commitment

This included not having communicated about relationship rules and labels, not wanting to get too close to someone, and wanting to have children with somebody else.

Low commitment motivations were more common among those with higher levels of attachment avoidance, attachment anxiety, and romantic beliefs. They were also more common among those with fewer relationship growth beliefs.

6. Situational Factors

This included being on vacation, being drunk, being friends with other people who had affairs, and feeling like you couldn’t resist a person who was making moves on you.

Men were more likely than women to report that situational forces played a role in their infidelity.

7. Self-Esteem

This included wanting to assert one’s independence, boost one’s self-esteem, a desire to reignite the spark with one’s primary partner, as well as a desire to prove to a partner that others find you attractive.

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Cheating in order to increase one's self-esteem was linked to being higher in attachment avoidance.

8. Variety

This included wanting more variety in sexual partners, being confident that one’s partner wouldn’t find out about the affair, and wanting to take advantage of sexual opportunities before marriage.

Variety motivations were more common among men, as well as those with an unrestricted sociosexual orientation (persons who have an easier time separating sex from emotion).

Conclusions

It is important to keep in mind that this research was not based on a representative sample and most participants were young adults. It is therefore possible that older adults and other groups that were underrepresented in this study might have different cheating motives. Also, although participants were given a lengthy list of infidelity motivations, it did not necessarily include all possible factors that might lead someone to cheat.

Further, in this study, people were reflecting on their own motives for infidelity. It is important to keep in mind that we are not always accurate (or honest) when it comes to inferring the cause(s) of our own behaviors.

That said, this research is informative because it provides evidence that people’s reasons for cheating are many and varied. Different people cheat for very different reasons, and the underlying motives vary depending on a person's gender, attachment style, and general beliefs about relationships.

One important implication of this is that sex and relationship therapists would do well to avoid taking a “one size fits all” approach when dealing with cases of infidelity. Resolving conflicts around infidelity and preventing future infidelity require an understanding of the initial cause.

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